Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Oh dear, oh deer, oh dear!

So, there'll be no Mother's Day gift this year for Mother Nature. Uh uh -- not from me! I'm angry! She can be one mean lady with a dark sense of humor. Mommy dearest indeed!



You know, you plant and nurture and watch and wait; and you think "That hard work is really going to pay off, because this spring I'm going to so much enjoy all those tulips that have come up". Then in the dead of night, wee beasties come and lop off most of their heads! What's a gardener to do? Here's what I'd like to do ....


Alas, the laws will not allow me to do that. (And I don't own a gun ..... and I don't know how to shoot one!) But really! I mean, we don't need all these deer running around anyway. It'd be fine if they'd just stay where they belong in the forest! But they refuse to do that! Like - who the H-E-double hockey sticks do they think they are anyway? They've become just like "other people's children". (Not mine! No, no, no -- never mine!)


They start out all little and cute, and we look at them and go "Ahhhh! Look how sweet they are". And then, before we have time to blink, they've turned into juvenile delinquents! Like ungrateful teenagers who feel that they can do as they please because the world owes them! They saunter onto your property and insist in stomping through your garden in senseless acts of defiance! They take what you've paid good money to enjoy and just help themselves, leaving the larder bare, declaring after they've chomped into your last piece of Brie or scoop of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey that they didn't like that anyway! They leave their droppings all around and when you try to talk to them, they just stop and stare like ........................... well, like deer caught in the headlights!

Get out of that cookie jar, Libby!!! Sorry what was I talking about? Yeah, deer ......


People -- they're out of control! They're radical, I tell you! We need an intervention! If God had intended deer to eat tulip buds, He'd either have planted tulips in the woods or He would have magically transported all of the deer population to Holland.


Hey! Yeah! Let's send all the deer to Holland! That's a brilliant idea! And it could become another way for Holland to show their gratitude to us Canadians for the war!

Quickly! Someone get Steven Harper on the phone!













6 comments:

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Hey, Doris, on those cabinets, you will be better off giving those poly'd cabinets some sanding to scuff them up & get off the shine, then you can prime and paint 2 coats of your creamy white. If you have a handsander it would be fast & easy.

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Oh dear, sorry to hear about your tulips. The squirrels here also like to dig up and eat my bulbs in the winter time.

Kaci said...

Oh no!! Well I hope they survive! :) XOXO

Drowsey Monkey said...

LOL - awwww you big meany! But who really owns the land anyway ... us or the animals? lol.....I already know your answer! :P

Connie said...

Sorry about the loss of your tulips! Try sprinkling some blood meal around...they don't like the smell of it.

Doris the Great said...

Thanks for your comments. I really wouldn't shoot the little so-&-so's (I just feel like doing it --- you know, the way you'd like to #%**?@! your children sometimes.)

Anyway, I bought something called "Skoot" and sprayed it on last night. No nibbles this morning. I'll also try bloodmeal.