I disagree with the Romans ......

Hibernia, the Land of Eternal Winter,  

was the name given to Ireland by the ancient Romans. But they had obviously never been to western Newfoundland!

Boy oh boy! It's hard work staying on top of one's mental health when all around is cold and snow. And I'm not talking about small stuff! The temperatures for the past 3 weeks have averaged -17 Celcius (approx 1 degree Fahrenheit). Today is -15 with a windchill factor which brings the temperature down to -31 C (-23 F). In these temperatures, even road salt doesn't always do its job; the roads are greasy-feeling beneath one's studded tires (law here in NL). 
As well, here on the west coast of Newfoundland, the snow doesn't stop falling:  I mean really! It snows every single day! It's not always a lot of snow; and we get days with periods of beautiful sunshine (but never a full day of sun). And those periods of sun are usually followed by periods of grey skies and blowing snow. And then there are the snow squalls which can be pretty terrifying as they blow up unexpectedly. My 10-12 min journey home at the end of the day can contain a snow squall sandwiched between sunshine! Sure makes life interesting!

And while the rest of the world is talking daffodils and mud, we will still be talking snow for at least another month and a half. Oh dear! It's around this time of year that life becomes particularly difficult for me (and others, I presume). Cabin fever can be a reality even in the middle of a city!

So, how does one keep up one's spirit? 

Artwork by Mark Sheetey

For me, it involves lots of determination, perseverance and some encouragement -- be it friends, uplifting quotes, meditation and/or prayer, music, or even the occasional tipple or toke (legal here in Canada). Whatever way one can, one crawls doggedly towards the light!

(Other than the dark hair, this picture could totally be my doughy-white arse crawling towards what I hope is a travel agent with a ticket to a hot country with free bar and room service!)

As I always mention, self-care is a huge part of how I get through these long winters. Even in the coldest of temperatures, I try to get outside each day, even if it's only to stand in the driveway for 5-10 minutes. I try to open my windows for a little every day to let in some fresh air:  Mother Nature is so important. I remind myself of the blessings and advantages I have; I try to eat well; I have successful methods to de-stress. But it's almost always a decision I have to make daily to do what I can to keep my head above it all. And my living and spending most of my time alone with another 2 months of winter still ahead means I have to work extra hard. It can be exhausting. 

But isn't it worth it? I mean, if the alternative is crying in the corner, rending my garments and gnashing my teeth, I'll choose laughter and dance every time.  

So, here's to my fellow 'winter workers' who like me are fighting daily to be positive and optimistic .... or to just hang onto your branch .... but are doggedly crawling towards the light. 

Hang in there, Babies. WE ARE WORTH IT!

Christmas Food by Myself

First of all let me thank so many of you for your wonderfully kind comments on my posts. And let me add that although these posts have "by Myself" in the title, I am not at all sad about spending most of my Xmas alone. The ideas that I've come up with as a sort of coping mechanism have done just what I hoped they would do! I'm really enjoying my preparations and feel pretty certain that my season will be merry and bright.


To continue with my 'Xmas Alone' ideas, let's talk food -- another one of my favorite things about Christmas! Yum yum! 

I'm fortunate to be sharing a turkey dinner with my dad and brother on the 25th. (We're the solos in the family.) And a few days later, I'll enjoy another Xmas dinner with my daughter and her little family. I love Xmas baking, so I'll do some of that both before Xmas day and over the holidays themselves. But I also decided on another new tradition for myself:  at noon on Xmas Eve, after I've vacuumed and primped, I'm going technology and people free, and I'm going to prepare a special meal just for me.


For the first time ever, I'm going to try my hand at Beef Wellington (for one) with a side of green salad and grilled asparagus. Dessert will probably be a small trifle made with lots of fruit and a wee bit of sponge and cream. 

I'll open a bottle of wine; and for the rest Xmas Eve, I'll sip my wine and munch while I watch my 2 all-time favorite Xmas movies -- It's a Wonderful Life and the 1954 version of A Christmas Carol. 

* Yep! "Fadoobadas"

I'm choosing to shut myself off from the world on Xmas Eve not because of sadness or anger, but because I want to take at least one day during the season to acknowledge my self worth and to practice self-care. We all need to do this sometimes as even the jolliest of us may encounter difficulty or trying times (or people!) over the holidays. And  while necessary, decompressing all by oneself can also be very enjoyable: I mean, how many other opportunities does one have for walking around the house naked with a glass of wine and no regard for food drips or your "fadoobadas"*? 

Over the holidays, I wanna take some cold crisp walks in the snow (and hopefully, sunshine) as well as lots of epsom salts baths where I emerge oily as a greased pig and relaxed as a well fed baby! 

I also want to spend some time with my God in praise for His always being near and in gratitude for His gift to me of creativity and stick-to-it-tive-ness in my determination to enjoy my new life and have a merry christmas.




Please remind yourselves of your OWN self-worth, your uniqueness and your beauty. If any of my ideas would work for you, take them! But please remember that you have value and please do whatever it takes to maintain your health and peace.

I may not get an opportunity to blog again until the new year. 
So, from me to you, thank you for being my blog friends.
And I wish you a peaceful, joyous Christmas season.
See you in 2019!

Xmas Gifts by Myself

I mentioned how sad I felt that first Xmas after my husband and I separated with nothing under the tree for me (save a card and money order from my Mom and Dad). Well, here's how I 'solved' that problem.

With children, I'd learned to become a huge thrifter; and I was fortunate to be surrounded by great thrift stores. So, determined to have Santa bring me gifts, I would pick up things throughout the year at thrift stores -- things that I would normally buy for myself. A great jigsaw puzzle; a couple of good novels; an 'expensive" (under $20) piece of silver or gold jewellery; a set of gold rimmed cocktail glasses. Or if I was at a mall and saw a particularly good deal/low price on a new item, I'd buy that for myself. I'd never spend a lot at one time and I didn't buy a lot for myself. 

I'd take these items home, box them, wrap with Xmas paper and tuck them under the spare bed in the Xmas box I stored all my Xmas gifts in. Most of the time, by the time Xmas came, I wouldn't remember what I'd purchased. I might remember that I had a puzzle but I wouldn't remember what the picture would be, or the names of the novels I'd bought, or the color of new socks, etc. etc. And 20+ years later, I still do that for myself. 

This year on Christmas morning, I'll sit with my coffee and whatever delectable brekkie I decide to make for myself and open my Santa gifts. And they'll add to the joy and contentment of my own personal Xmas because I'm eager to begin that new puzzle (part of my old Xmas tradition) or read a new book while I savor my quiet, alone time in my new home (one of my new Xmas traditions).

Searching for a Merry Christmas

This meme came across my Facebook feed this weekend, and I thought "Yeah! This is exactly what I came to realize this Fall!"

I moved home 2 years ago and have experienced 2 miserable, sad Xmas seasons for me. I told myself that last year would be my last here in NL; but not having the finances to go elsewhere caused me to rethink things this Fall. And that's when the shoe dropped.

I now realize that my enjoyment of Xmas is up to me. Of course Xmas  here in NL is not going to be like NS -- different location with different people, different traditions, etc etc. My failure to recreate Xmas MY way does not mean that I can't enjoy Xmas in NL. It just means being open to what the season has for me here in my new life AND my creating new traditions for myself. 

So, I've been busy letting go of what was while I search for what's important to me and what I can create here. My stress level is way down, my spirits have been lifted and I'm actually really looking forward to Christmas again.

I know that for a lot of people, Christmas is extremely hard and no amount of trying to create a happy Xmas will make it happen. My heart goes out to those folks.

But for those of us who are alone and seeking for ways to participate in this season and find even a modicum of joy, I hope my ideas help. I'll share them over the next couple of weeks. And please feel free to share your thoughts on the same.

NO SOUP (hike) FOR YOU!

One of the most frustrating things for me in this aging process is the way I discover my limitations. Sometimes, it's a simple matter of doing what you've always done but finding out that you aren't as good or as flexible as you used to be (i.e. yoga poses); or perhaps your stamina is lacking and it takes you longer because you need to rest more (i.e. gardening). And other times, it's as simple as looking at something you would have done before and knowing that you don't want to take a chance this season (i.e. jumping into the river from that bridge). Okay! as much as I don't like losing these things, I'll adjust my lifestyle and keep soldiering on.

However, most of the time, I find my limitations by unintentionally hurting myself. There's nothing gentle about it; no gradual decline in ability; no warning bells or alarms saying "Danger, Will Robinson!"; no little voice in my head saying to be extra cautious.

 

AND to add insult to injury, the memory banks are so full that I often forget things like the need to adjust the time I've allotted to something, that I can't do more than one "extra" per weekend, and that my recovery time will be longer and that's it's absolutely necessary. After 60+ years of living one way, it takes a lot of time, love and patience with oneself to relearn or to even let go. (So I keep reminding myself!)

I walk and hike because I love it; nature feeds my soul and gives me renewed purpose. But I also do it because it's good for me: it keeps me flexible, my sleep and digestion are better, I'm happier and it helps me lose weight. But when I'm actively trying to take care of myself and my body rebels by telling me after the fact via prolonged pain and distress that I made a wrong choice, it feels like betrayal. I have met the enemy ...... and it is ME!

Yep, I overdid it last weekend; and then put my back out just by picking up a tissue Tuesday. There was no hike. There was no walk. There was no picnic at the beach with friends. Boo hoo! The smallest violin played for me in my own mind as I rend my clothes and poured ashes on my head!

I spent this weekend fairly inactive. I did go yard saling with my BFF, and afterwards we had tea and sarnies on her back patio in the sunshine. But I spent the majority of my weekend resting with a heating pad at my back watching Netflix (Hello "Last Kingdom" and "Orange is the New Black" ) and looking longingly out my window at the green hills which were calling me.  But then later Saturday afternoon as I was lying outside in my lounge chair, I was struck by the beauty all around me. I was reminded of how privileged I am to live where I do and enjoy the luxury of a sunny day, a comfy lounger, and the joy that can be found in simply existing on such a day in such a place. 
  

I may be slowing down quicker than I like, I may have to wear more strings on my fingers as reminders, I may have to adjust my lifestyle, and yes, sometimes I may be house-bound just because of my own stupidity. 

But life is still beautiful! And I will continue to pursue it and grab whatever beauty I can in whatever way I can. 

Smiling from the Deep Freeze

It seems that we're all experiencing terribly cold temperatures this winter. The news is full of stories about this. We should be used to it here in Newfoundland; but although we're used to lots of snow, it doesn't usually get this cold this early in the season.These are February temperatures! This morning it's -9 C (15.8 deg F).  My car was parked at the bottom of my hill, so I dressed with extra layers and care to make the short walk down.

I'm healing from my bronchitis. But try as I did, the side effects from my daily asthma medication were too harsh. I was unable to function yesterday afternoon --  in such pain and even my eyesight was affected! So, after checking with a local nurse, I stopped taking them last night. It's so hard to be positive and optimistic when you've been ill for so long and the meds are making things worse. But I tried my best.

In spite of the cold weather and my ailments, I went outside both Saturday and Sunday to get some fresh air and natural light. The sun even came out for 20 min which was wonderful! The snow was light and powdery, making it easy to clean off the car and easy to walk in. I stood in the driveway and turned my face to the sky and just luxuriated in the chill in my cheeks and the wonderful feeling of warmth in the rest of my body. I so want to enjoy this season. (And I'm pretty sure there's still time to do that! Egad!)


When I went back inside, I put on my new purple fairy-slippers and ate soup and hot buttered toast. Yummy! Saturday I spent the afternoon watching cooking shows on Public Television. And Sunday afternoon, I took a much needed 2 hour nap. I feel very fortunate to be able to do these things. Living alone has many perks!

Today my focus is on continued healing. I'm looking for pockets of sunshine and positivity. I often find these when I read your blogs. So, I'd like to share this one from MA at "On the Bright Side" (http://goodmorningsmiles.blogspot.ca/). This is a good one practice any day of the week! 

Decide to be happy today, to live with what is yours – your family, your business, your job, your luck. If you can’t have what you like, maybe you can like what you have.

Just for today, be kind, cheerful, agreeable, responsive, caring, and understanding. Be your best, dress your best, talk softly, and look for thebright side of things. Praise people for what they do and do not criticize them for what they cannot do. If someone does something stupid, forgive and forget. After all, it’s just for one day.

Who knows, it might turn out to be a nice day.

Cheers! And keep smiling!

More Non-Scents Please!

When I began blogging, I vowed to try to always be positive. No one wants to hear you griping and complaining, right? 

So, I won't talk about what a terrible Christmas I had because I was sick from the 20th of December on and am only today feeling like I'm on the road to recovery. I had asthmatic bronchitis which was brought on by an asthma attack I experienced while at a lovely Bethlehem Night at a local church. People and their perfume, aftershave and hair spray! I think most people think that if you're asking them not to wear scent that it's a personal preference. But no, for some of us, it's actually life threatening. My immune system is already compromised, and an asthma attack weakens it further.



I won't talk about the terrible/wonderful drugs they give you to heal and all the side effects.

No, instead I shall wax poetic about the joys of recovery; you know, when you can begin to enjoy being sick. Like the lovely feeling of being able to breathe again. Or the deliciousness of being able to savor a piece of hot buttered toast with crunchy peanut butter. And how nice it is to enjoy lying on your couch wrapped in a faux fur blanket, hot water bottle at your lower back and wearing the prettiest pair of fairy-shoe-like crocheted slippers from your eldest daughter (who never gives gifts).

I shall say how fortunate I was to be able to catch up on almost every movie from the 90's -- Beverly Hills Cop, 16 Candles, Breakfast Club to name just a few. (I was raising children in the 90'd so I missed most of them.) 

I shall speak of the comfort of soup: turkey noodle, bacon and red lentil, Mulligatawny, French onion; these are the food of the Gods when you're sick. And it's totally okay to eat 6 or 7 bowls a day -- totally guilt free food!


I shall sing the praises of TV's Gusto and the Food channels ..... and for the lovely Jamie Oliver for keeping me sane when I'd had it up to here with 90's movies! 

And I shall state that endless days all alone feeling like crap meant I could indulge in hours and hours of videos from when the children were young. After all, no one else wants to watch 10-12 hours of someone else's kids, right! And oh! Sigh! How uplifting it was to see young, wrinkle-free, slim Sandy who had curves instead of happy lumps 'n' bumps. What a dish I was/am!

I am so happy to see the back end of last year! But in spite of the scale for 2017 being heavy on the negative side (it was a very rough year for me), it wasn't all bad. And this FB meme summed it up perfectly. 

For anyone else who didn't get to experience the joys of the season, I hope this will lighten your heart as it did mine.

Happy New Year, everyone! 

You Can't Shut Us Up!

This is a difficult day for women, especially those who have lived or are living with violence and those of us who care or work with them. 






The lead up to today has been a display of "What Were You Wearing", part of our 16 Days of Activism re violence against women. We at the Women's Centre co-ordinated it with community partners. Hanging up tiny little shorts and t-shirts along with adult sized sweats and baggy jeans not only brings home the fact that it does NOT matter what you wear or how old you are, but it brings home the fact that everywhere, women are experiencing sexual violence -- even in your own little home town. 

It's been a difficult couple of weeks! 

How lovely it was to come back to the office, sit with my coffee, open up Facebook and find this post: 

WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED!

Shalom!

Rabbit Rabbit! OMG! It's December!

Rabbit rabbit everyone! I hope you have good luck all month.

Last weekend, my house was a hussle 'n' bussle of Xmas decorating. I was having friends over Monday evening for potluck and cards, so what better excuse to decorate early. 

It was a lot of work! I'm in a new place, so I had to rearrange furniture (and re-rearrange!!) in order to find the best possible location for the tree. Then it was "Where will this particular item go?" And "What would look nice in this particular location?" Phew! I was extra pooped by the time I was finished. But it does look soooo pretty! Much prettier than last year's apartment. I love the way the tree lights reflect off the walls and create a kaleidoscope effect!

Last Xmas, everything was upside down; my Mom was very ill in hospital and the family was consumed with that worry.  I'm grateful that this Xmas will be different from last. I'm grateful for my daughter hosting  Xmas dinner so those of us without partners will be with family. And I'm super grateful that she wants my help with dinner; we all need to be needed, right! 


Xmas has always been my favorite holiday. In NS, the children and I created Xmas traditions we all loved. And then each international daughter added to our special brand of Xmas. Being all alone now and inserting myself into other people's Xmas means, of course, that everything is different. I especially miss our Xmas Eve and Xmas Day meals together; no matter how old the girls became, we all loved to be together to feast! Now I'll be creating new memories and, I hope, new traditions. 

Another one of the hardest things about decorating was tree. I now have a small, artificial tree, so only the most special ornaments are chosen. Some were given to me by my lovely Ex before the children were born. A few came from my girls; and many were given to me by my international children. And I have a wonderful collection of ornaments that I purchased on the very few, very special vacations the girls and I were able to take. But each ornament that went on the tree holds a special memory: I decorated alone and there were many smiles and some tears shed. It was a happy/sad event! 

Yes, as I've said before, change is hard!


But I shall forge ahead with hope in my heart ... which brings a (tentative) smile to my lips .... and sometimes adds a spring in my step. 


Happy December to you all! 

In the midst of ice and snow

I love that in the midst of ice and snow and this month of storm after storm after storm, there is warmth to be found in small wonderful things:

.....in a cup of tea at work and a shared conversation, laughing at the frustrations of dealing with modern-day technology as well as old-fashioned jerks on the phone.

..... in a lovely pair of recycled/refashioned mittens made from an old sweater. I bought them at a craft show last year, and they're my favorite pair of mittens.

..... in a good book under the fleece blanket on the couch or in bed with my heating pad at my lower back. This one is a fictional story about the collapse of the cod fishing industry in Newfoundland -- something near and dear to my heart.

..... in a warm muffin with butter -- Streusel topped Strawberry Rhubarb muffins, to be exact; and they remind me of the warmth of last summer..

..... and short but beautiful winter evening walks around the neighborhood -- to "blow the stink off me" as my father-in-law used to say. This scene is part of our local trail system in town and is beautiful any time of year.

What's helping to keep you warm (and sane) this winter?

One Little Word - PEACE

Reflection ....

Resolutions ....

Positive attitudes ....

Changes .....  


I have found that with aging, I do a lot more reflection. Not because I have the time for it (at least, not yet while I'm still working). But I think that because my abilities are lessened physically, I spend more time exercising my mental abilities. 

And although this can happen --- and indeed should happen --- all throughout the year, the new year the perfect time for people to reflect and make positive changes. Maybe it's because Christmas has been such a time of decadence and over-indulgence? Maybe it's because winter usually means more time spent indoors and that gives us cause to think about how to better fill (or not fill) those hours? Maybe it's because the change to a new date and year just naturally brings thoughts of change in ourselves? Who knows: it just seems to happen on January 1st or thereabouts.

If you know me, you know that I don't do resolutions. I'm constantly fighting battles:  my eating habits; my weight; my health; relationships. I don't need to set myself goals that may never be reached. But when I read the post by blogger Sidewalk Shoes called One Little Word , it struck a chord in me. And while reading, I wondered what MY one little word might be for 2015. And the word that came to me was PEACE.

Over the past 6-8 years, I've experienced moments of great peace in times of great difficulty. God has brought me through a lot. And once I tasted peace in the midst of turmoil, I wanted more.  Peace is a word/ a feeling that encompasses so much else: happiness, contentment, satisfaction to name just a few. And through aging & with my Faith, I'm learning that the way to peace most often is an outcome of my own behavior. For example, when I let go of my expectations of others, I find peace. When I forgive (even if I'm not at fault), I find peace. When I accept others for who they are and not what I think they should or could be, I find peace. And when I accept myself for the same or even (dare I say it) do things just for myself and not others, I find peace.


And peace is such a wonderful place to be.

It's a learning process -- always! But yup:  that's my word for 2015. That's what I'm going to try to cultivate more of:

PEACE!